What do women want? It has been at the centre of numerous books, articles and blog posts, and no doubt the cause of countless agonised ponderings by men and women alike. But despite decades spent trying to crack this riddle, researchers have yet to land on a unified definition of female desire, let alone come close to fully understanding how it works. Now, scientists are increasingly beginning to realise that female desire cannot be summarised in terms of a single experience: it varies both between women and within individuals, and it spans a highly diverse spectrum of manifestations. But more recent evidence reveals that differences between the sexes may actually be more nuanced or even non-existent, depending on how you define and attempt to measure desire. Some studies have even found that men in relationships are as likely as women to be the member of the couple with the lower level of sexual desire. For decades, researchers had assumed men have more sexual desire than women - an idea rejected by recent findings Credit: Olivia Howitt. But when the question is revised to ask about in-the-moment feelings — the amount of desire experienced in the midst of a sexual interaction — scientists find no difference between men and women.
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In this new era of the erotic romance book and the shameless ogling of shirtless men on the Internet and in media, it is no secret that women of all ages have vibrant sexual fantasies. These days there is a renewed recognition that our intimate desires, longings, and sexual thoughts—even the really kinky ones— are quite normal. Basically, the sky is the limit, she says. While some women may be moved to fulfill their fantasies someday, others prefer to keep them just that—fantasies. Ah, but we can dream. I relaunched my erotic romance writing career by penning some of my own hottest fantasies. They all include breathtaking heroes with masterful lovemaking skills. It is a steamy novelette that features a sexy, dominant, handsome, hot cop who is skilled at playing with handcuffs and has plenty of ways to make a woman sigh with pleasure. I mean, who can resist a hot cop?
Yep, the entire human race has a mind that drifts to the gutter at least some times. Eyes glued to the screen during that Game of Thrones scene yes, the one where Theon Greyjoy gets naked with two drop-dead queens? Hand travel between your legs at the thought of a multi-person orgy? Why can group sex be so hot?
Whilst researching for his new book, Tell Me What You Want , social psychologist Dr Justin Lehmiller interviewed 4, Americans about their sex lives in what is possibly the largest and most comprehensive survey of sexual fantasies in the US to date. In the interviews, he asked people about their sex lives, and how often they fantasised about specific people, places and things in a bid to break down the stigma surrounding sexuality. Among the more peculiar findings were accounts of sexual attraction to bellybuttons, armpits and even cars but Dr Lehmiller also uncovered many erotic desires that seemingly unite us. Topping the list, 89 per cent of those surveyed said they fantasised about having a threesome with other people, with those in relationships saying the threesome would ideally involve their spouse.